Perspective:

Perspective. Here lately I am trying to have a new perspective on this little life of mine, and through this whole pregnancy process that word has a whole new meaning these days. I found out I was pregnant on a Friday morning before work (October 17th, 2014) to be exact. I will never forget the day, the feeling that came over me when that pregnancy test showed positive, the fear that set in or the 1 million different emotions that swept over me all in a matter of seconds. It was like nothing I have ever experienced. If I can give anyone any advice, take this--don't randomly take a preggo test when you are totally not expecting to be pregnant, when you have had no signs of being pregnant, and before work on a Friday morning at 7:15!!! Yes, to answer your question...I just took it because I had it, and yes, there is such thing as a mothers intuition because I can't give you any reason why I took it other than I had to pee and I thought, "why not?" HA...God's way or the highway, I say! 

Any who, since that very day I will not tell you it has been easy for me. Am I excited? No, it's more than excitement, I am THRILLED and completely OVERJOYED! But, at the same time I have struggled. If you are a close friend or if your name is Tyson, or if you are my momma, you have heard me complain about the way my body is changing and about gaining weight probably more times than not. It has been very difficult for me to adjust. Yes, all of you brilliant moms who have already "been there, done that", I do know that I am only at 5 months and have 4 more to go, but for me, these 5 months have brought about a lot of change in this 25 year old body of mine that I guess I never really "thought" about. When you are young and think about having a child, I really think you just think about it in the sense that the child is already here, babies are beautiful and perfect and kids are wonderful and fun and you get to dress them up and show them off but you never really think about ev-ery-thing else that comes along with it. 

So, where does perspective come into all of this? 

Here, over the last 5 months my body has changed, even before any weight gain, those size 2's absolutely did not fit the same and those tighter shirts didn't look quiet as cute. I struggle with that. When it gets time to get ready and go somewhere I do not look forward to it. I haven't wanted to dress cute and go out. I am so in between stages as far as what to wear. I can't wear maternity clothes because I don't fill them out yet, but all of my pre-preggo clothes, well, I fill them out too much! I feel so selfish at times because I know that the reason for these changes in my body is a miracle inside of me, but it is still a struggle. I do not feel like I am "glowing", I do not feel cute or pretty. To be completely honest there have been times where I do not even feel pregnant, I just feel fat. (Some of you may totally understand where I am coming from on this.)

Again, God never fails me. He has placed people in my life that help through these struggles. People who never let me lose sight of the miracle I am experiencing because of my being blinded by the changes it has brought. I have earnestly prayed for Gods peace through this, and I can honestly tell you I have felt it. 

The other day I receieved a message from a friend that really put things into perspective. I will share with you what the message said..... 

I  just read somewhere about how a women's body would never be the same after having a baby. It compared it to God's love and how His body was broken so that we may have life. He sacrificed Himself for us. We as mother's sacrifice our body,  knowing that it will never be the same again, but this article says, "If His love has taught me anything, I know the sacrifice is always worth the gain." 

Wow! Want to talk about putting something into perspective. Want to talk about opening my eyes wide to what the big picture is? From the moment I read this message I had a change of heart. Do I enjoy gaining weight? No! But i know I am gaining weight because of a precious life God is forming. Do I enjoy not having anything to wear? No, but I am learning to just make something work, after all, this baby will always be dressed better than me anyways. Do I enjoy feeling sick or tired? No, but I know that my sickness and exhaustion is coming from a busy little growing baby. Do I enjoy my stomach stretching and itching or my leg hairs growing rampant? Not really, actually not at all! But, oh how the Sacrifice will be worth the Gain when I get to meet and hold and love this child. God has graciously given me the opportunity to do this, to experience what some women long for but never get to...who am I to be sad because I'm gaining weight and tired, and have hairy-er legs, and because I am hungry all the time, oh did I mention I am hungry all the time? Who knows if I'll ever get to do this again? I want to embrace every moment I breath with this baby inside of me right now. I want to endure the changes with a thankful heart and because of perspective I find it a little easier to do just that. Thank you, God for opening my eyes and putting life into perspective for me. I couldn't get through a day without you showing up and showing out for the stubborn girl inside of me. You never let me down! Stay tuned...

Xoxo, 

A humbled momma-to-be